Holiday Road

The recent GORGEOUS weather that we have been experiencing lately has given me an itch. This itch is not related allergies or a rash, but rather, an itch to go exploring and to leave all things familiar behind, to (pardon the cliché) revel in the open road.

The planning is the easiest and the most boring part of the entire vacation. It is also the most Pollyanna. Yes, I can make good time from point A to point B. The kids can take a bathroom break here and we can eat here and we should be HERE by this time. Snort. It NEVER works out the way. Unless you’re driving alone or the kid’s pants are hooked up to an instant port-a-potty. Your ten minute bathroom break gets extended to a half hour because Thing One and Thing Two decided they needed to P-O-O-P. Okay. No problem. One hour on the road and Thing Three needs to go pee and Thing Four needs to P-O-O-P.

But the best part of the trip itself is not the planning—it’s the going. It is the feeling of adventure that plays on your psyche that gets your engines revved. In the back of your mind (at least MY mind) the voice of Patrick Stewart (aka Jean Luc Picard) echoes as a voice over “Space, the final frontier. These are voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission: To explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go were no one has gone before” then cue the trumpet and the theme song begins and your OFF! (This is the DORK in me coming out. Just wait. It gets better.)

I later turn into my father. “Hey kids, look over there! It’s the world’s biggest set of pliers.” Or “I swear, this is where Paul Bunyan slept. That sign over there said so.” Then, since he would stop the car and make us get out to take a dorky picture by the sign that says “Welcome to __________”, I stop the vehicle, make the kids get out and take their picture by the sign that says “Welcome to ___________.”

But isn’t it FUN? When my brother, sister and I were younger, we constantly asked if we were there yet and registered complaints with the supreme commander on a minute by minute basis. “He’s on my side of the car!” and “She touched me!” and “I’m hot!” or some other unfortunate malady that seemed to be the bane of our existence.

BUT NOW, NOW, we can taking the mind numbing DVD player and hook it up in our car! Newer automobiles come equipped with a screen or screens built into them and some have wireless internet! Coloring books with special markers, mp3 players and handheld video games help occupy the time too. Life on the road was made easier. And I almost forgot the most important additional luxury. AIR CONDITIONING! Oh good God. Faux leather seats, hot children in shorts. Hurts like hell when you peel your legs from the seat; or worse you land on your spot where the sun was roasting it just seconds before you plopped your weary rear end down for another five hours of driving in cramped quarters.

I’m not sure if I’m ready to tackle a trip to Yellowstone with my children yet. We did one to Minnesota two years ago and were a mere eighty-miles from Canada. But that trip was basically on flat land. Yellowstone is a bit more, um, hilly. I remember torturing my brother with every curve and drop off—he was so certain that we were going to fall down embankment or ravine. I’m betting that at some point in time during the trip my father was wishing we did, just to get us to be quiet.

P.S. Our trip this year I think will be in state, or maybe just across the border. This way my husband can participate too. It seems if he gets too far from home, everything stops working.